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Author Topic: Lowered Expectations - Studio, 1ba  (Read 6413 times)
Turd Ferguson
Blathering Buffoon
Posts: 88

Solving mysteries in a van

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Lowered Expectations - Studio, 1ba
« on: 2014 March 30, 03:56:34 »

Hi there! So you're here to see the place? Excellent!

Oh uhm, you might wanna come with me. The house isn't the rental. It's actual being rented out by this Landgrabb accounts exec and his trophy wife. Your place is in the back here.

Now the previous owners of this property actually renovated the garage sometime in the early 70s, so it's now a rental. Just through the gate here. And that's your front door.

Now I'm aware it isn't very spacious, and I probably should have mentioned in the ad it was a studio, but think of what you'll save on heating! Oh, and the place doesn't have heat. Might wanna get some good blankets.

Now this decor isn't really old you know? I'd like to say its vintage! The real deal, made back in the days when appliances never broke. Solid as steel. You might wanna look at getting that pilot light replaced though. And the sink has a leak somewhere I can't pin down.

Don't worry, the entire apartment has been de-loused and cleaned up proper! Call a priest if you wanna tackle that smell though. I think the last tenant might have had ferrets.

And your bathroom! Look at that wonderful pastel. And hey, rust gives it character!

Ok, so I see you're not thrilled. But you are getting off street parking and the yard is shared. Not to mention you're not gonna find a real apartment this cheap on your "night shift at Krogers" budget.

So, we got a deal?

"There's a deep-seated paranoia that Americans have about not being Americans or something." - Billy Joel

"The problem with this country is that old fucks vote. We got shit to do, old folks don't, the only thing they have to do is judge you and vote." - Doug Stanhope
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