HUZZAH! Banned from Rentech.com!
ZephyrZodiac:
The village thing is great, it still exists in some remote parts of the UK too, but where is the village at 3.00 am when the young mum is distraught from sleepless nights and ready to do anything - and I mean that advisedly - to silence the little wailer? Whereas post-natal depression is often quickly recognised in older women, often because they or their partners have some pre-knowledge of the condition and go for help quickly, the condition is often missed in teenagers, and it's just put down to general teenage moodiness!
Brynne:
Good Lord, with the hormonal surges teens go through anyway, I can't even imagine adding the baby blues to it.
Veilchen, I agree with you. I shouldn't have made a blanket statement towards all teenagers. My best friend in high school was a teen mom and handled it much better than I ever could at that age. She had a husband (quickie marriage) who was fresh off the highschool football team and couldn't handle it. He was a real piece of work, I'm telling you. But she went to school until 1:00 and then worked from 3:00-11:00 (I remember those hours because I often watched her daughter- a little bit of "village" mentality, I suppose), earning her nursing degree. Today her kids are the most well-adjusted kids I know. I think those cases are probably in the extreme minority, though. My friend did have a rebellious period in her 20's, though. She told me at the time she was getting out of her system what most people get out when they're younger.
ZephyrZodiac:
Your friend did very well, and as you so rightly say, is in the minority of teenagers who are mature and well-adjusted enough to cope. My sister had a friend who was equally good at parenting , and the only family help she got was from her mother, who charged her for her time! And the father? His wealthy family whisked him out of the country and back home in double quick time!
I don't blame your friend for rebelling in her 20's! Sounds par for the course, to me, and she waited until the kid was out of nappies!
J. M. Pescado:
Quote from: ZephyrZodiac on 2005 August 26, 15:32:15
The village thing is great, it still exists in some remote parts of the UK too, but where is the village at 3.00 am when the young mum is distraught from sleepless nights and ready to do anything - and I mean that advisedly - to silence the little wailer? Whereas post-natal depression is often quickly recognised in older women, often because they or their partners have some pre-knowledge of the condition and go for help quickly, the condition is often missed in teenagers, and it's just put down to general teenage moodiness!
Meh, Darwinism at work.
Kitiara:
Quote from: Inge on 2005 August 25, 07:38:26
Quote from: Kitiara on 2005 August 25, 04:29:38
I think you are being niave if you think teenagers are actually ready to be parents. They may think so, but most do not understand what parenthood really entails.
This is getting frustrating because some people are not bothering to read *all* of what I am saying. You're seeing "teenagers should not be discouraged from having babies" and stopping reading at that point. I already said I agree that most teenagers would be unable to raise a kid and run a home in the way parents are expected to in western society in 2005. I agree with you there - have you read this now?
I am saying that I don't agree that the person who runs the home and makes decisions for the child should necessarily be only the biological or legal parents. I am saying that yes, the parents should be around while the child is growing up, but no they don't need to be the people paying the bills, doing the cooking, driving the child to football club, or having the final say on house rules. The people doing those things could be older family members who share the house. Lots of cultures do it that way. If the eldest woman continues to set the rules, then it doesn't matter if a teenager has a baby she was too mentally immature to parent - she will be taught how to do it and someone will be there to step in if she isn't getting it right, or if she deserves a night out clubbing.
I did read all that you said. I still disagree with you however. Your scenario sounds great on paper, but I (and apparently quite a few other people here) think it is not a practical or realistic solution. Of course it is great when the older generations in a family help with the upbringing of a child. That is the way it should be. It is not fair though to encourage people who aren't ready to be parents to have kids and then expect others to take up their slack. If my child got pregnant young and needed my help, I would be there to help. If, however, I discovered that s/he intentionally had a child taking it for granted that I would assume the responsibility, I would be very angry. It takes a village to raise a child. Fine. But, the parent should have primary responsibility, and people should not seek to start families until they are ready for that. Just my opinion.
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