HUZZAH! Banned from Rentech.com!
J. M. Pescado:
Quote from: ZephyrZodiac on 2005 August 24, 22:05:10
Most teenagers "like" the idea of babies - they're cuddly and apparently all they need is feeding, bathing and nappy-changing and a cot to sleep in! They are too young to realise the implications of babies growing into toddlers, then children who need help with schoolwork etc. - all this while young mum wants to go out and party with her friends!
Obviously, they haven't played TS2, then. Once they start complaining about toddler hell, they'll probably lose that thought.
Inge:
Quote from: Hook on 2005 August 25, 17:46:00
I'm all in favor of extended families. But I'm not in favor of the grandparents shouldering all of the responsibility while the young mommy goes out clubbing.
Ah, but the point is, in my scheme those grandparents would have had the same opportunities when they were young parents. Obviously it's not going to be fair if I raise my daughter without any help (which I did) and then she has a baby at 16 which I also raise without any help while she is out clubbing - and then presumably I get old and frail without help too... No I was thinking of the scenario where it is always the people aged 35-55 who take responsibility for both very old and very young, and outside those ages do their own thing apart from dropping a baby or two between 16-20, for its grandparents to bring up :)
veilchen:
The concept of that extended family, where one or two adults take on the role of care-giver while the rest of the household takes on other supporting roles is not in itself a bad idea. However, that would never work in the real world. The burn-out rate of those care-givers would be astronomical, not to mention the role-strain of trying to accomodate the wishes, needs, whims, and support needs of everyone around them. A child is the parents' responsibility, not the grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. Personally, I would've taken exception if my mother, or then mother-in-law, or anyone else in either family had started telling me how to raise my children.
I had my son when I was 25, and my daughter when I was 30. Both are beautiful, intelligent, and healthy children; not a genetic defect in sight. My children are well balanced and strong minded (not to confuse with head-strong or stubborn), and I believe that was because they had a strong bond with both their parents and knew that they could and can always count on us. My ex-husband was a lousy husband, but was and is a good father. The bond with my children is strong, I could've never just popped them out and then hand them over to relatives to raise. They are living, breathing parts of me, I have created them with their father, so it is our duty to take care of them.
I am 46 years old, and I consider myself in the prime of my life. If someone would give me the choice of either staying my age or go back to my late teens/early twenties, I would politely decline the offer. I have grown intellectually, emotionally, and mentally. There would be no way that I would take on my son/daughter's responsibilities. I would most certainly help in any way I can, but in the end, it is their child, their responsibility.
Teenager are not physically ready for children; everything is still growing and developing. The risks of complications in teenage pregnancy is very high. Prematur birth is just one of them. 34 % of pemature birth is in the 15 - 19 year old range, as opposed to 9% in the 30 - 34 year old range. Aside from premature labor, teenagers ages 15 - 19 have increased risks of anemia and high blood pressure as well. Teenagers in that age group also are at greater risk to deliver babies with low birth weight. Those babies can suffer anything from lung and respiratory distress, vision loss, serious intestinal deficiencies, to bleeding in the brain.
An added risk is the risky behavior that teenagers are prone to engage in. They are more likely not to be mature enough to take proper care of themselves while carrying a child. The initial risk is therby increased in significant proportion.
Genetically speaking, an older mother and father are really not genetically defective parents. True, sperm and the oocyte have been manufactured/stored for a longer period of time, but it is generally surmised that if they are rendered defective, it is due to environmental forces, and not the age of the mother/father. Parents over 35 are ususally advised to consider anmiosynthesis to test for Downs syndrome, but the majority of Downs syndrome children are born to women in their twenties.
ZephyrZodiac:
Veilchen, your arguments have the one thing lacking in all of Inge's - LOGIC! and with that logic comes truth and common sense.
In particular, what you have said about the risks of teenage pregnancy I , for one, am totally in agreement with. The risk of premature birth is something which should definitely be taken into account since at long last the medical prefession is catching up with the teaching profession in admitting that a large number of premature babies are never able to perform normally in school. And if they can't perform normally in school, what chance do they have in adult life? They are condemned to low pay, low prospects, poor housing, they may need support from social services to help with thir children. There is also a greater risk of premature babies developing serious health problems later on in life.
It is one thing to support those teenage girls who get pregnant, often because they are gullible and believe a young man (often several years older than them) who tells them that "they can't get pregnant if it's the first time", "the withdrawal method is safe", and worst of the lot, the definitely older man who tells them "you won't get pregnant, I've had a vasectomy!"
It is an entirely different matter to condone the behaviour of the young, and not so young, men who often take cruel advantage of a young and inexperienced girl. If grandparents take over all responsibility for the child, that leaves the child's father thinking, more fool them, I've got away with it again!
In a genuine love affair between two young people, the young man will care about his girlfriend, and if they are unfortunate and the girl gets pregnant, maybe because like many youngsters she forgets to take her pill one morning, then he will want to be there for her and the baby and take his share of the responsibility. This may mean, if his parents are the ones with the bigger house, more money, etc., that it is his family and not hers who provide the roof over their heads until they are old enough to support themselves and their child, but it should not mean that either set of grandparents are expected to also take on the job of raising the child!
Hook:
Quote from: ZephyrZodiac on 2005 August 26, 01:49:27
man who tells them "you won't get pregnant, I've had a vasectomy!"
You're assuming a responsible teenage girl who is not intentionally trying to get pregnant. It works both ways. The girl tells the guy she can't get pregnant 1) for medical reasons, 2) because she's on the pill, 3) because she's too young, and doesn't want the guy to use a condom (if he's responsible enough to insist) because 1) Neither of them have any diseases, 2) because she doesn't like condoms, and if these don't work, 3) because she is allergic to condoms. I've seen it happen. More than once.
I still have to ask, where is the father of the baby in all this?
Hook
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